When we lose someone we love, the pain can feel overwhelming. At Sentier Psychotherapy, we recognize that remembering loved ones isn’t about “moving on,” but rather finding meaningful ways to honor cherished memories and move through the grieving process while continuing your own life journey.

The Power of Continuing Bonds

Current mental health approaches in grief counseling recognize the importance of what bereavement counselors call “continuing bonds” – the ongoing relationship we maintain with those we’ve lost. Rather than encouraging complete detachment, health professionals now understand that maintaining a healthy connection with deceased loved ones can be an essential part of the bereavement process.

For folks experiencing feelings of grief, these continuing bonds provide a sense of security during a difficult time. By finding healthy ways to remember and honor the deceased person, people can integrate their feelings of loss into their evolving sense of self, even as they navigate the emotional rollercoaster of grief.

Creating Memory Gardens

For those interested in plants and gardening, one way to honor a loved one is through creating a memory garden. The process of planning, planting, and nurturing living things provides a tangible connection to the cycle of life and growth, and spending time in or around nature can significantly benefit mental health during challenging times.

A memory garden doesn’t require extensive space – even one plant on your windowsill can serve as a meaningful tribute. Consider these elements when designing your space:

• Choose plants that had special meaning to your loved one, whether they were favorites or represent certain qualities they possessed. You could also choose a plant that was your loved one’s favorite color.
• Incorporate objects that evoke special memories, such as painted stones with messages or small personal items.
• Include sensory elements like wind chimes, flowing water, or fragrant plants.

If your space limits the opportunity for a garden, try growing plant cuttings in water. Watching the roots grow and grow is a nice reminder of how time can be a healing force.

For the bereaved person, the rhythmic nature of gardening – planting, watering, pruning, and watching growth – provides a soothing routine that mirrors the natural process of grief itself: tending to pain while nurturing new growth. Many grief counselors recommend memory gardens as a way to find comfort in routine while processing complex emotions.

Expressive Arts as a Healing Tool

Creative expression offers powerful outlets for processing complicated emotions that can be difficult to put into words. For many people experiencing acute grief, art provides a safe space to explore feelings that might otherwise remain unexpressed.

Consider these creative approaches to remembrance:

• Create a memory box decorated with images and filled with mementos that evoke fond memories of the deceased loved one.
• Write songs, poetry, or legacy letters to your loved one.
• Design a comic or graphic novel that captures positive memories or lessons learned from a deceased loved one or the experience of grief following their loss.
• Paint or draw scenes from favorite shared experiences.
• Make a quilt or wearable item from a loved one’s clothing as a comfort to children and other family members.
• • One resource for honoring projects started by a deceased loved one is Loose Ends, a non-profit organization that matches volunteer handwork finishers with textile projects people have left undone due to death or disability.
• Commission artwork incorporating their handwriting.
• Develop a custom recipe book of their favorite dishes.
• Commission jewelry with symbolic meaning – that could mean containing a small amount of ashes, fingerprints, handwriting, or simply symbols that evoke special memories. This discreet form of remembrance provides support during school or social situations where openly expressing grief might feel uncomfortable.

Creative processes help us externalize our grief, making even the most daunting tasks more manageable while encouraging the creation of lasting tributes to those we’ve lost.

Digital Memory Books and Online Memorials

With so much of our world being online, making online memorials and digital preservation is a natural fit for many people. Digital platforms offer unique advantages – they’re easily shared with others who are grieving, can incorporate multimedia elements, and can be accessed anywhere.

Some thoughtful approaches to digital remembrance include:

• Curating a shared photo album with family members and friends that celebrates the deceased person’s life. People can add to the album over time as they find photographs.
• Creating a digital memorial website where friends can contribute memories and pictures.
• Developing a digital timeline documenting their daily life and special accomplishments.
• Recording stories and memories in audio or video format to preserve their web of service to others.
• Making a playlist of their favorite songs that brings comfort during difficult moments.

These digital keepsakes can be particularly valuable for people who may find false comfort in avoidance of grief but can gradually engage with memories through familiar technology.

Ritual and Remembrance

Personal rituals provide structure and meaning during the chaos that often accompanies the bereavement process. Developing our own remembrance rituals can offer a sense of control and predictability when emotions feel overwhelming, especially during death anniversaries or the holiday season.

Meaningful rituals might include:

• Lighting a candle in memory of your loved one on special days.
• Visiting meaningful places on the anniversary of death.
• Preparing favorite dishes and sharing memories during a holiday gathering.
• Creating annual traditions that honor their legacy.
• Setting aside a moment of silence for reflection and remembrance.

These practices acknowledge that there is no cure for grief – it doesn’t follow a linear timeline, and remembering is an ongoing process rather than a one-time event. Even during the burden of bereavement, rituals provide a chance for people to connect and support each other and feel more connected to themselves and their loved one.

Honoring Through Action

One of the most profound ways to remember someone is by carrying forward their values and passions. For many people, taking action in honor of a loved one provides a sense of purpose during a time when everything might feel meaningless and helps us avoid depressive symptoms that can emerge during prolonged grief.

Consider these action-oriented approaches:

• Volunteering for causes that were important to your loved one.
• Participating in fundraising events related to their interests or chronic health conditions that may have impacted their life.
• Organizing a memorial service or celebration of life event.
• Continuing a project or hobby they began, even if it involves complex tasks.
• Practicing random acts of kindness in their memory.

These activities help people see how their loved one’s influence continues through their own actions, creating a living legacy that extends beyond death.

Sharing Stories and Keeping Traditions

The stories we tell about those we’ve lost keep their memory alive while helping us make meaning of our experiences. Hearing and sharing memories provides essential continuity between past and present life, especially during our daily routines.

Effective approaches to storytelling include:

• Recording family members and/or friends sharing fond memories.
• Creating a memory jar where people can contribute stories.
• Continuing family traditions like beloved holiday decorations while acknowledging their origin.
• Incorporating elements of cultural or religious remembrance practices.
• Sharing memories with new friends who never knew your loved one.

At Sentier, our therapists encourage folks who are grieving to become “keepers of the story,” helping them recognize the importance of their role in preserving precious narratives. This can be particularly helpful for those who served as a primary caregiver and are now experiencing caregiver burnout.

Self-Care and Remembrance

While remembering loved ones is vital, balancing grief work with self-care is equally important to your health plan. Grief requires tremendous energy, and we all must recognize the need to take breaks and attend to our own needs.

Some helpful self-care practices include:

• Setting boundaries around grief expression (it’s okay not to want to talk sometimes),
• Practicing mindfulness techniques to manage overwhelming and difficult emotions.
• Maintaining physical activity and sleep routines.
• Connecting with supportive friends who understand this challenging time.
• Appreciating moments of joy without denial of death or guilt.

Remember that taking care of yourself honors your loved one too – they would want you to continue living fully even while you carry their memory. This approach acknowledges both the pain of loss and the importance of your ongoing mental health.

When to Seek Additional Support

While many people navigate grief with the support of family and friends, some situations warrant professional guidance. At Sentier Psychotherapy, we specialize in helping clients through the bereavement process in healthy ways.

Consider seeking a health professional or connecting with a bereavement hotline if you notice:

• Prolonged difficulty functioning in school or social situations.
• Persistent complicated emotions including guilt or responsibility for the death.
• Risk-taking behaviors or substance use to numb feelings of loss.
• Expressions of hopelessness or signs of complicated grief or complex bereavement disorder.
• Significant changes in personality or behavior that persist beyond the initial acute grief phase.

Conclusion

The grief journey is as unique as the relationship you shared with your loved one. There is no “right way” to remember someone, and the approaches that feel most meaningful may change over time.

At Sentier Psychotherapy, we encourage clients to embrace memories as an integral part of healing, finding ways to honor their loved ones while continuing their own growth.

From creating a digital memorial to preparing favorite foods that remind you of dinner menus shared together, each act of remembrance adds another dimension to your understanding of loss. Whether it’s planning a formal celebration of life or simply setting an extra place at the table during a holiday gathering, these meaningful actions help integrate the deceased person into your ongoing story.

The pain of loss never completely disappears, but with compassionate support and healthy remembrance practices, it can transform into a bittersweet connection that enriches rather than diminishes your life journey, even during this difficult time.

Blog written by Sentier’s Client Care Coordinator, Ellie Struewing