Recognizing Signs of High Sensitivity in Children: A Guide for Parents and Professionals
Beyond ‘Too Sensitive’: Understanding the HSP/HSC Temperament
You’re at a children’s birthday party. The park is filled to the brim with kids playing, laughing, and squealing. One child stands out to you. They’re sitting in the shade, eyes wide, facial expression uncertain, as they watch the exciting chaos of their peers unfold around them. This is a celebratory event, but this child seems anything but.
For Highly Sensitive People, or HSP, even an exciting day, like their own birthday party, can be overwhelming. This stems from a tendency from birth to “notice more in their environment and deeply reflect on everything before acting” (Aron, p. 7, 2002/2015). In this next section of my HSP series, I will dive a little deeper into heightened sensitivity, and this time, share some examples of how Highly Sensitive Children, or HSC, show this characteristic across their development.
Are you a parent? Caregiver? Aunt? Uncle? Teacher? Therapist? Nanny? Former child? We all have ‘inner child’ work we’re working through, whether consciously or unconsciously. For HSP especially, we have a lot to think about and process through. How we speak to ourselves, how we speak to our HSC, matters. As I prefaced in Part 1 of this HSP Series, we are still on the younger side of history that has reframed heightened sensitivity from a vulnerability into a lifelong strength.
Follow me as we explore how to notice, and honor, the signs of heightened sensitivity in our children.
The Science of Sensitivity: Why Their Brains Work Differently
Experiencing overstimulation is not unique to HSP alone–in fact, signs of heightened sensitivity are often overlapped with symptoms of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), ADHD, and even PTSD. However, research distinguishes HSP from such disorders. Acevedo et al. (2018) calls what HSP experience Sensory Processing Sensitivity, or SPS. In brain research, SPS shows up in regions of the brain related to empathy, reflective thinking, homeostasis, and regulation. These findings indicate that yes, HSP do experience overstimulation to some stimuli due to their heightened awareness. However, HSP and HSC are more likely to self-regulate and reach homeostasis, which is evidenced by the regions of the brain that are activated (Acevedo et al., 2018).
All in all, brain research of HSP further encourages this point: heightened sensitivity is a lifelong gift, especially when children are given the adequate support to thrive in their unique environments. For parents of HSC, this is incredibly important to become aware of. Interestingly enough, there is a high percentage of heritability for sensitivity; up to 47% (Assary et al., 2012)! If you are a parent who is interested in the phenomenon of highly sensitive parents, check out this recent BBC article.
Six Key Characteristics of a Highly Sensitive Child
- Highly Intuitive. We now know that Highly Sensitive People process information more thoroughly than non-HSP; research shows the same for HSC. This in depth reflection includes both conscious and unconscious processing. Thus, HSC are generally highly intuitive (Aron, 2002/2015). This may be as simple as your child noticing that you changed their bed sheets while at school; or as abstract as your child recognizing that there’s been a ‘shift in energy’.
- Deeply Empathetic. According to Dr. Elaine Aron, most HSC are unusually empathetic (Aron, 2002/2015). If a situation or environment creates an emotional response (let’s face it: most do), your HSC will feel those emotions stronger than a non-HSC. With this characteristic can arise the judgment of a child being labeled “too sensitive” for their own good. For parents who may hear this: I encourage you to build up your child, as this will be a great strength of theirs. Dr. Aron emphasizes that Highly Sensitive Children have rich inner lives, and many become interested in social justice early on in their lives. Don’t equate this characteristic to suffering or being “too much” of anything–empathy is: feeling stronger.
- Intense Emotional Responses. While most HSC experience intense reactions, many show this trait more inwardly (e.g. anxiousness or stomachaches). Again, HSP tend to feel all emotions more strongly. Whether it is a positive or negative emotion, if you’re paying close attention, you will likely know when your child is feeling it (Aron, 2002/2015).
- Slow-To-Adapt. This one comes in two parts. HSC have been given a reputation of being “poor adapters” (Aron, 2002/2015). In reality, they’re being asked to do things with a lot of new stimulation to process thoroughly before confidently moving forward. Parents might also notice their HSC will ‘mask’ at school in order to be socially appropriate, and then get home and be so overtaxed in their ability to handle any sort of change (Aron, 2002/2015). Oftentimes with these children, we see that home is where they feel free to let go. Additionally, for children who need to process deeply before ‘passing go,’ this can look like inhibition or hesitation. In reality, this is one of the strongest reasons as to why scientists believe this trait was successfully passed down over generations.
- Distractable. People may assume high distractibility in HSC equates to a diagnosis of ADD. While any child, including HSC, can be diagnosed with ADD or ADHD, there is a clear difference. Highly Sensitive Children can be easily distracted due to an in depth processing of their environments. However, within a calm, supportive environment, HSC are able to re-focus and manage even better than before. The diagnosis of ADHD is given when children have trouble focusing even in calm environments. If you’re interested in reading more about how to distinguish between the two, check out this booklet.
- Sensitivity to Sensory Input. HSC are incredibly aware of subtleties and small changes in the environment that others may not notice. Thus, they can become easily overwhelmed by high sensory input. Overstimulation can be the result of great change or transition, but also an exciting, albeit long, day (think back to the birthday party example). Similarly to diagnoses of ADD and ADHD, people may confuse this trait in HSP with common experiences in Autistic kids. It’s important to keep in mind that being an HSP or HSC is not a diagnosis. While people with heightened sensitivity may also be diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), heightened sensitivity does not equate to Autism.
Please keep in mind that this list is not exhaustive. In other words, a HSC may show all of these, some of these, or even two of these to a higher degree. Dr. Elaine Aron outlines this important consideration at the end of her HSC Questionnaire, which she invites parents to fill out for their children.
Find Is Your Child Highly Sensitive? A Parent’s Questionnaire by Aron (2002) here.
Five Practical Strategies for Parenting Your HSC
In the following section, I will cite examples of strategies for your HSC from Dr. Aron’s book The Highly Sensitive Child (Aron, 2002/2015):
- Practice patience. If you are looking for an answer or a decision from your HSC, make sure to set them up for success. Give them adequate time to consider their options. Ask them if they’re still thinking. On that same note, you should also set yourself up for success. If you’re in a time crunch and you need a quick answer, now is not the time to ask your HSC. This may sound like coddling; it’s not. Think back to the orchid-dandelion metaphor from my first blog in this series: when orchids are provided with a supportive environment, they can thrive more beautifully because they have what they need to succeed.
- Teach limits and boundaries. As we know, HSC are deep feelers with great empathy for those around them. While this is a wonderful gift, it also means your HSC could be taken advantage of without the adequate skills for boundary and limit setting. For example, if you can tell your child is being burdened by a friend over-sharing with them, teach your child how to set appropriate boundaries. In this example, your child could try changing the subject when they can tell their friend is about to overshare (they’ll know when). They can’t control their friend’s reaction, so be prepared to help them through that. Your HSC may feel the weight of the world on their shoulders from a young age. As the parent or professional in the room with them, you have a special responsibility to remove that weight and place it somewhere more appropriate. Modeling is key!
- Pace yourself. As aforementioned, your HSC may become more easily overstimulated than you’d expect or see in other non-HSC. Oftentimes, your child may need a break from the overwhelm before they can resume, while other kids may not need a break at all. Knowing this about your child will help you to prepare events and activities more effectively!
- Gentle consequences. “Gentle parenting” has become a hot topic in recent years. In my state, we might call this Minnesota Nice. I won’t go into great detail on that parenting style here, but I will share why gentle consequences are recommended by parents of HSC in Dr. Aron’s book. Highly Sensitive Children are “natural internalizers”; that is to say, they often need no criticism at all because they already punish themselves by processing their mistakes thoroughly. Hence, parents report that keeping consequences ‘gentle’ is enough. Your HSC will make mistakes and break the rules, like any other child. They may show their upset in the moment or later while processing it. Either way, parents shared in their interviews that talking about it was usually enough for their HSC. Escalating consequences, which may be appropriate with a non-HSC, could lead to an immense amount of distress and ultimately backfire on the parent. Highly Sensitive Children need time to calm down. They need a coregulated parent, who is also calm and can respond gently, consistently, and simply. It may not be the consequence a parent believes they should enforce in a situation, but this is plenty for an HSC.
- Talk about it! How do we reduce the stigma and harmful assumptions made about a topic? We talk about it. This could easily be the longest section of this blog (it’s that important!), but I’ll keep it short and sweet for now. Your HSC will grow up in a way where they are immensely aware, or sensitive, to the world around them. They will eventually catch on or realize that the way they view things may not always be the ‘norm’. Highly Sensitive Children need loving and responsive adults to be close by in those moments to tell them first, not only is that ‘difference’ okay, but that it will be a beautiful, lifelong strength of theirs. Be clear and age-appropriate. Highlight the important parts you don’t want them to miss: They are not alone (“your brother is the same way, lots of people are!”). Their sensitivity is not a deficit (avoid phrases like “you’re just too ___”). Your child will catch on to these differences–in school, at the park, even at home. The words we use around high sensitivity matter.
Dr. Aron outlines several more strategies in her book, The Highly Sensitive Child. If reading any of this felt helpful to you, I highly recommend finding yourself a copy!
Embracing the Exceptional
The motto of Dr. Aron’s book is: “To have an exceptional child you must be willing to have an exceptional child.” Whether you’re a parent or a professional who works with kids, you know… it’s not easy! We often forget that we were once kids too, and that wasn’t easy, either. When your child doesn’t ‘fit the norm’, the challenges only seem to multiply. Remember: the reason for that is not because of your child, but because of the world they were born into. For a HSC, that looks like a world that won’t always understand that their sensitive perspective is one of their greatest strengths, and one of the most powerful contributions to society. That, you can’t control. What these children do have, though, is you. You, parents, caregivers, teachers, pediatricians, you have a special responsibility to build up the children of the world. Some will need more lifting than others. I invite you to lean on your village of support, just as the Highly Sensitive Child in your life leans on you.
Blog written by Sentier child therapist, Bria Hubinger, MA, MEd, LPC
Sources:
Aron, E. (2015). The highly sensitive child: Helping our children thrive when the world overwhelms them. Harmony Books. (Original work published in 2002).
Acevedo, B., Aron, E., Pospos, S., Jessen, D. (2018). The functional highly sensitive brain: a review of the brain circuits underlying sensory processing sensitivity and seemingly related disorders. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B; 373 (1744).
Assary, E., Zavos, H.M.S., Krapohl, E., Keers, R., Pluess, M. (2012). Genetic architecture of Environmental Sensitivity reflects multiple heritable components: A twin study with adolescents. Molecular Psychiatry; 26, 4896–4904.
